The Sandwich Generation Problem: When THR Isn’t Really Yours

For many Indonesian Millennials, Tunjangan Hari Raya (THR) is supposed to feel like a reward. A moment to breathe after a long year of work. Maybe finally upgrade your phone, take a short trip, or build that emergency fund you’ve been postponing.

But reality often feels different.

Before the money even lands in your account, you already know where it’s going. Parents. Younger siblings. Extended family. Social obligations. What’s left—if anything—can feel like an afterthought.

Welcome to the quiet pressure of being part of the sandwich generation.

When Giving Isn’t a Choice

In Indonesia, supporting family isn’t just kindness—it’s culture. Many Millennials grew up watching their parents sacrifice everything, so when it’s their turn to earn, giving back feels non-negotiable.

THR amplifies this.

Suddenly, expectations become visible. You’re not just a child anymore—you’re a provider. A dependable one.

You might hear:

• “Don’t forget to give something to your parents.”

• “Your cousin is still in school, maybe you can help.”

• “It’s Lebaran, masa nggak bagi-bagi?”

And even if no one says it directly, the expectation is felt.

So you give.

And give.

And give.

Until you realize: your THR isn’t really yours.

The Hidden Cost: Guilt and Silent Burnout

Here’s the part most people don’t talk about.

You’re proud to support your family—but at the same time, you feel tired. Maybe even resentful. And then comes the guilt for feeling that way.

It’s a loop:

• You give because you care

• You feel drained

• You feel guilty for being drained

• So you give more to compensate

Over time, this becomes financial burnout.

Not because you’re irresponsible—but because no one taught you where the line should be.

Financial Boundaries Are Not Disrespect

Many Millennials hesitate to set limits because it feels like saying “no” to family is the same as being selfish.

It’s not.

Financial boundaries are not about cutting people off. They’re about sustainability.

Because if you burn out:

• You delay your own goals (emergency fund, marriage, home)

• You increase financial stress

• You risk becoming dependent yourself in the future

And ironically, that helps no one.

Healthy support is consistent, not sacrificial.

A Practical Way to Allocate Your THR

Instead of reacting emotionally each year, try approaching THR with a simple structure. Not rigid—but intentional.

A practical framework could look like this:

1. Family Support (30–50%)
This includes parents, relatives, and social giving. Adjust based on your situation—but cap it. Having a limit doesn’t mean you care less. It means you’re planning better.

2. Personal Needs or Rewards (10–20%)
Yes, you’re allowed to enjoy your THR. Whether it’s something small or meaningful, this keeps the effort of working all year feeling worth it.

3. Savings and Emergency Fund (20–30%)
This is the part most people sacrifice—but it’s actually the most important. Your future self is also your responsibility.

4. Debt or Financial Catch-Up (optional)
If you have obligations, allocate a portion here. Reducing pressure is also a form of self-care.

The exact percentages don’t matter as much as one thing: you decide first, not your circumstances.

Communicating Without Conflict

One of the hardest parts is not the money—it’s the conversation.

If your support has been consistent, suddenly changing it can feel uncomfortable. But silence often leads to misunderstanding.

You don’t need a dramatic explanation. Keep it simple and respectful:

“I’m still supporting, but I’m also trying to manage my finances better this year.”

That’s it.

Most families don’t expect perfection—they just need clarity.

Redefining What It Means to “Give Back”

Giving back doesn’t always mean giving more money every year.

It can also mean:

• Helping parents manage finances better

• Encouraging siblings to become independent

• Supporting in non-financial ways

Long-term impact often matters more than short-term generosity.

Your THR Should Support You Too

At the end of the day, THR is not just about obligation. It’s also about stability, progress, and balance.

You can be a responsible child and still prioritize your own financial health.

You can give generously without exhausting yourself.

You can care deeply without losing control.

Because the goal isn’t to stop supporting your family.

It’s to do it in a way that you can sustain—not just this Lebaran, but for years to come.